TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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