I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize