drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
