So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
