My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize