what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
