if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
