I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
