dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize