I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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