dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
