So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
