i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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