Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
