Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
