dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize