I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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