Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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