Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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