i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
