after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize