If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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