I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
