the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize