I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
