btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
