You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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