Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
