oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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