One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
