I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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