She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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