Plan B is the new Plan A
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
