so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
