I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
