i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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