so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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