When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
