We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
