We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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