my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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