Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
