I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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