i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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