I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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