do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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