Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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