Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Randomize
