Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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