And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
