I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
