Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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