It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
