apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
