11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
