If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
