he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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