youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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