Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize