I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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