Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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