Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
