There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I came so hard my ears popped.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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