they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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