Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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