I smell stomach acid.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
