Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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