he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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