I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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