I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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