take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
