Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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