Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
