This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
