moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
