shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
